So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I understand Curling. That high.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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