we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
