I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
