Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
