It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
