you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
