Define "chronic" masturbator.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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