I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
