its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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