My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
