My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
