Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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