the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I accidentally burped into my bong.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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