Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
