so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
