I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
