Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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