Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
