he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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