i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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