my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
