from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
