Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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