it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
