just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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