Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
