I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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