We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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