You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
