I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
