i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
