summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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