You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
