Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
