I've blown a few things in my day
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
