just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize