At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
