I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
3pm strippers are depressing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
