how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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