i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
