Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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