why didn't you poke me back
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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