I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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