wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
