Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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