I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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