I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
