You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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