There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
