if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
