Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
