Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
