Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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