I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize