I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
