Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
