i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Found the puke drawer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
