She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize