did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
