YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
