just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
