No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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