My room smells like vodka and shame
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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