did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize