No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
