the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
