i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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