Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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