and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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