Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Quick, to the slutcave!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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