I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
