yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
