my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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