its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
