You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
