I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
