So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
