i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
