I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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