I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
