this beer tastes like vomit already
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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