Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
