ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
