Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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