Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
