Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
