I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize