Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize