Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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