he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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