Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
