You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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